• Am I the only one who feels locked in an emotional rollercoaster?
  • Am I the only one who gets overwhelmed at the drop of a hat?
  • Am I the only one who has days when she—for seemingly ridiculous reasons—loses her temper?
  • Am I the only one beating herself up for being so sensitive?
  • Am I the only one who thinks she ‘should have life figured out’ by now?
  • Am I the only one who often feels utterly lonely in this world?
  • Am I the only one who sometimes doesn’t know what she’s getting up for in the morning?
  • Am I the only one who tries my best to apply self-compassion instead of self-criticism—and mostly failing?
  • Am I the only one who feels anxious about almost every one of the big topics—you know… relationships, sex, purpose, risk-taking, loss, vulnerability, rejection, letting-go, decision-making, money, existence—in life?
  • Am I the only one who instantly gets what another person is feeling, but often getting rejected as soon as they realize that she can see what’s behind their mask?
  • Am I the only one totally sucking at smalltalk?
  • Am I the only one who only really feels comfortable when she is able to really connect to the person she’s talking to—when an honest and real conversation is possible (i.e. not nearly often enough)?
  • Am I the only one who is still searching for her tribe?
  • Am I the only one who struggles with self-love?
  • Am I the only one who finds it hard to talk back to her inner mean voice?
  • Am I the only one who constantly finds herself falling back into ‘worry-mode’?
  • Am I the only one who feels self-conscious most of the time (and tries not to let on)?
  • Am I the only one who immediately thinks that something must be ‘not quite good enough’ with her body when someone’s looking at her?
  • Am I the only one who fears she’s not desirable?
  • Am I the only one who feels like a coward for still not breaking her own rigid rules—despite knowing exactly that this means she’s letting fear rule her life?
  • Am I the only one who realizes that her missing out on so many things in life is totally her own fault and she must be a failure for not being able to just fucking chill already?
  • Am I the only one who thinks that she ‘should do better’—(at preferably everything)?

Am I?
I don’t think so.
Yet.
Jesus—it feels this way.

 

Hugs, Meret.

 

9 Comments on Am I the only one?

  1. Deb
    2016-06-02 at 4:23 AM (1 year ago)

    Hugs sweetie. You’re not alone. You’re going through a rough patch but you’re doing such amazing work here that I want you to know that you are very much appreciated and loved. Xo

  2. Deb Oswald
    2016-06-02 at 4:48 AM (1 year ago)

    You are not the only one, you are not alone. Give yourself the love and support you would a good friend, Love and hugs sweetie

  3. ute
    2016-06-04 at 10:37 PM (1 year ago)

    hello meret, there’s lady in seattle, grace bell. she’s dong the work specifically around the issues which come up with you. here is a link to here work: http://workwithgrace.com
    see if this could benefit you.
    love,
    ute

  4. Meret Boxler
    2016-06-08 at 9:03 PM (1 year ago)

    thank you! yes, i know her! what a coincidence. you are lovely.

  5. Meret Boxler
    2016-06-08 at 9:03 PM (1 year ago)

    I couldn’t love you more. <3, Meret.

  6. Meret Boxler
    2016-06-08 at 9:04 PM (1 year ago)

    This is such a sweet comment. I do take it to heart. <3 Meret.

  7. Linda Bacon
    2016-06-09 at 1:38 AM (1 year ago)

    Hi Meret, I appreciated seeing this post. You’re not the only one: I’m sure you’re aware of that at the same time that the opposite may feel true as well. I’m seen as enormously competent and confident in the world, and I have and do experience much of what you name. It’s part of the human experience. If I could offer up advice from my own journey, it doesn’t go beyond what you already know: self-compassion is the key, and being patient when you can’t find that, knowing that emotions flow like waves, and the current moment will pass. I’ve written on these topics; you may want to check out my work. But I wanted to comment because your post touched me. Wishing you well…

  8. Michelle Hess
    2016-06-10 at 4:35 AM (1 year ago)

    You absolutely are in great company! Most women feel the same way about 90% of your list. And I find it all too common among wonderful bright accomplished women. Linda Bacon is so right that the key is self compassion. We have no hope getting around the conditioning without it. I’m finding it as difficult as anyone. Know you can and we are with you!

  9. Jennifer
    2016-06-18 at 5:52 PM (1 year ago)

    Nope, you’re not. I relate to about 90% of what you wrote. Been there, done that. AND, I have felt like the only person in the world facing so many resilient gremlins. I think I felt alone because most people I meet don’t talk about their inner battles. So I assumed everyone else had it all figured out. I was the odd one out. That’s why I post my sessions on my blog – so people can know they’re not the only one.